I wish I had a time machine

I freaking love Morten.. I just watched the last song they played in the farewell concert and now I’m devastaded.. I hate this feeling.. like I have lost something and I can’t go back.. I will never be able to watch an a-ha concert, I will never be able to watch Michael Jackson’s concert, and now.. this feeling sucks. I feel sad with the fact that I’m feeling this way when there’s a war happening out there.. but I can’t help it. God know I tried, but I just can’t. There’s a world inside of me, and this world is broken. People say it’s never too late to do things and etc, but this is bullshit. In this life you have to run, because there are things that only come once, if you miss it, you have to accept that you are faded to live the rest of your life knowing that you missed something important, maybe the time of your life. This is a pretty hard state of awareness. I spend my days trying to push those feelings away, but they always come back. At least I know people on tumblr understand the effect of art in life, and I feel a little less dumb here for crying over such a stupid fact.

The fact that Michael Jackson saved me twice, and I will never get to know him, or breath his air, or see his eyes looking at me, or just watch as he walks by.

Actually, I will never be able to see him getting older, walking around a taller Prince, a pretty and also tall Paris and the cute already grown up Blanket. Ever. This was taken away from me, and I have no control. Actually, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life right now, because all my plans walked around him, and now I feel like someone had killed my goals and aspirations. Yeah, I’m broken.. pretty broken. And I don’t even believe he’s dead, and that’s the worse part. And you know about a-ha? Well, I could spend the rest of my life without going to any concert, but there’s only two concerts for wich I could died to go, and I already told you what I’m talking about. A-ha is the best band in the world for me, when I listen to their music I feel understood, their melodies talk to my soul, and sometimes, I can’t help but cry. And I will never see them live. I just felt that I needed to post this here before I go to bed, because I’m feeling dislocated. Honestly, I don’t belong to this time. At all. So, if I could dream about something tonight, I wish I could build a time machine and fly back to the 80’s, marry Morten and be Michael’s best friend/almost daughter, so I could be there for him as he always had been here for me. And, of course, I would enjoy the privileges of my marriage.

lol

Maybe in another life, my lovers.. maybe in another life..

goodnight.